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Christmas!!! Yay-ness!!! I got clothes, CDs, these awesome fuzzy blue slippers that I’m still learning to walk in, a cell phone, and some other stuff. I feel special now. I don’t have to keep borrowing my mom’s (which sucks because it locks if you turn it off, and I don’t know the code). The Rugrats were up at 5 AM, but my mom made them go back to sleep until the sun came up. So, it’s 7-ish, and Courtney comes running downstairs and to my door and says, “Lindsay! Presents!” I rolled over and mumbled, “Hmmmm, coming.” I am not a morning person. My parents had been up until midnight setting up the Rugrats’ PS2, so they were just as lethargic as I was.

We made the traditional trip to my grandparents’ house yesterday evening. (Christmas is the only day when my mom doesn’t complain if we’re in our pajamas until noon. As long as we throw away all the wrapping paper, she’s good.) They gave me more clothes and another CD (Kelly Rowland — haven’t listened yet, should be pretty good). The food was awesome, as always. My grandma can cook. Met some interesting people that are somehow related to me. Nothing unusual.

Oh, right. Greg, Mark, Andrew (from It’s Academic), and his brother Nick and I went to the movies on Tuesday. It was… interesting. We met at Greg’s house first, then Mark drove us all to Waldorf. We were going to see LotR: The Two Towers, and since I never saw the first one, Greg summarized it for me and loaned me his DVDs. (I know my dad will want to watch…) We went to the arcadein the mall first, where they coerced me into playing DDR (which I now officially suck at). The movie was actually really good. Long, but good. I started reading The Hobbit a few years ago, but stopped cause I got bored, and never made it to the trilogy. I may have to give them another go now. Oh, and in my opinion, Aragorn and Legolas are tied for Maximum LotR Hotness. Legolas has great hair, possibly better than mine, and this aura of coolness. But Aragorn’s got that whole rugged-manliness thing going for him, and he’s human. So many unattainable imaginary men, so little time… ;)

But as Greg was quick to point out, nothing happened. Three hours of pitch-blackness, and Mark did not touch me. I’m not sure if I wanted him to, though. Relationships are complicated. (I’ve said that before, haven’t I? Still true.) It doesn’t help that I’m pretty much clueless about all things guy-related. Take my relationship with Greg. We are the definition of platonic. I don’t know why I’m so easy around him — I just sort of am. I think this makes Mark jealous. But the thing is, there’s nothing to be jealous of. I’m not going to, like, leave him and run away with Greg. We only messed with his head that one time, and I would never do something like that as a joke. Never.

I don’t want my relationship with Mark to ruin Mark and Greg’s friendship. I don’t want it to ruin my friendship with Greg. It’s like I said last night: We are now a soap opera. We’re a triangle. In a way, I’m closer to Greg than I am to Mark, and that throws the triangle out of sync. The whole thing scares me. I almost wish my life was a soap opera. At least that way, the turmoil would end eventually.

I know that somewhere, there’s the perfect guy for me, the one God wants me to be with for the rest of my life. I just have to find him. The thing is, how do I know when I’ve found him until I find some guys that aren’t him? How do I tell if I’m chasing after something futile? How long do I have to let my heart twist and turn like this?



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