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I was going to blog yesterday. In hindsight, I’m glad I didn’t. I was depressed again yesterday. Same crap as usual. I hate feeling depressed. It’s like wallowing in my own petty problems. I know it’s not serious, because, though I feel like that every now and then, it’s never persistent or extreme. I just need something else to put my mind on, you know? Talking to Greg last night helped a lot. When I have something else to focus on, I am incapable of wallowing in my self-pity and whininess. And then, I work my way out of it.

For the last week or so, I’ve been checking the mail every day, eagerly heading out as soon as I heard the mail truck pull away. I was so eager to confirm my AP exam scores with what I saw on Testudo. Yesterday, I was on a mission to avoid wallowing. That mission basically involved hours on the computer, just doing anything to keep my mind active. So I forgot to check the mail. My dad brought it in with him last night, and I was so excited to finally see that funky AP envelope (because it opens upside down, sort of; you have to see it to understand). I all but snatched it from him and ran back to my room to open it. Testudo was right! I was so giddy, I actually jumped up and down. Then I called Greg, needing to share the good news with someone. I got a 4 on AP US History. Yay for Mr. Adkins! And, best of all, I got a 5 on AP Lit! It’s hard to explain how great that makes me feel. Finally, something positive to come out of the Year from Hell. And UMD will give me 12 credits — before I even start this fall. That alone rid me of any remnants of my crappy mood.

I’ve had two computer miracles. Yesterday afternoon, when I got online, I was actually loading jkrowling.com for a minute. I was astonished. I’ve never even been able to choose my language on this computer before. (Must convince parental units to switch to a higher connection speed.) I eventually hit a slow-load roadblock and had to stop, but it was pleasantly surprising until then. The second is right now. There was an ad on AOL to listen to Ashlee Simpson’s new album, so I clicked. Wonder of wonders, it actually worked. Usually I have problems streaming, but this is coming through fine. It’s not bad. I think any “rock” feel to her album is from her voice. When she reaches for the higher notes, you can hear the raspiness more, which gives it a rock-ness. I love this weird combination of pop and rock that’s mainstream right now. Don’t get me wrong, I love my *NSync as much as the next girl, but sometimes I want a loud sing-along to Yellowcard, too.

I think I’ve exhausted my usefulness to Mrs. Maus. Except for two closets full of framing materials, I’ve basically cleaned her whole house. We tackled all the rest of the closets and all her outdated files. She had the carpets steam-cleaned and has a maid service for normal upkeep. There’s really not much left for me to do. I’m glad to have done it, though. I don’t want to work during the school year. I tried that sophomore year, when I didn’t have nearly as much schoolwork as I anticipate I will this fall, and I was stretched too thin. If I can’t work, I obviously have to get money from somewhere else. I try not to ask my parents for money, especially now, after the influx of graduation money. They’re already taking on the debt of closing the gap in my college tuition. I feel bad about that. But like Greg keeps reminding me when I bring that up, it could have cost more. I just can’t help dwelling on it. It bothers me still.

My mom must feel that I don’t spend my out-of-school time wisely. She comes up with random chores for me to do during my downtime. Tonight, it was cooking dinner. I can’t really cook. I can scramble eggs like nobody’s business, which is one reason why I love scrambled egg and cheese sandwiches so much. Food always tastes better when you made it yourself. I made Pasta Bake tonight. One of the easiest dishes known to man, but perfect for my limited skills. It was yummy. Everyone liked it. Except for the fact that I had to spend an hour cooking it, it was painless. Though, I still have to finish up. The dishwasher was full of dirty dishes when I opened it while cleaning up, so I’m waiting for that load to finish. I’ll go do it in a few minutes, though.

I hope Mom doesn’t get the misguided idea that I’m going to be cooking regularly, or we’ll be having breakfast-for-dinner quite often.



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