Not Alone Series: Dealbreakers


I actually meant to publish two posts yesterday for NaBloPoMo, but since tomorrow is Booking Through Thursday, I’ll just make it two short posts then. For today, it’s just NAS time.

We have chatted about our deal breakers/non-negotiables before, but how do you keep from letting your standards fall? What prevents you from just dating any guy out there? What keeps you going?

Ah, dealbreakers. I have them, but they are few. As I did with the modesty section of chastity week, I will cover mine first before I move on to the topic at hand.

First, no smokers. I don’t have time for someone who’s into illegal recreational activity. I mean cigarettes. We buried my grandfather last summer. He was a lifelong smoker and died of colon cancer, which was a direct result of his smoking. He will never get to see me on my wedding day. So, no smokers! I could put up with the occasional social cigar if I absolutely had to, but not in the house, not around me or any kids, and no kisses. Eww.

Second, he must appreciate education. I love learning, so I’m going to need someone who’s on board with that. I’m not asking for a transcript or advanced degrees, but I would expect the father of my children to understand how important it is to read to them, to make sure they do their homework, and to help them learn about the world. The easiest way is if he has that desire in himself.

Third, he needs to be noticeably taller than I am. (I get to have one superficial one, especially after the last one! That was deep!) I’m 5’8″ in flats, and although I don’t wear heels often, sometimes I do. The last thing I want is to feel self-conscious about my height with the man I’m supposed to spend the rest of my life with.

Fourth, he must love Jesus. This cover Catholics and non-Catholics. I’m not sure I could even find significant space in my life to date a non-Catholic, because it’s in all my hobbies except one, but I’m not going to exclude Catholic-friendly non-Catholic men. They’d probably be the covert kind, though. When I worked in RCIA, we had a couple of candidates every year I’d thought were already Catholic. I put that in the bulletin in the fall. “Everyone already thinks you’re a Catholic. Make it official.” I couldn’t work with a non-Christian, though. I love Jesus; it’s right there in my blog’s tag line. That’s the ultimate dealbreaker.

Based on that list, you can see that there’s not much room for me to lower my standards! My goal is to live my life in a way that attracts men who have these qualities. I don’t smoke, and I have only the bare minimum of kindness for those who do. (For the record, I asked my grandfather for a school project if he wished he could start over and never have smoked, especially not to the point of addiction. He said yes.) I obviously love books and words and stories; I can’t turn off my deep-thinking analytical side. I have learned to grow into and accept my body, including my height and related giant feet. And I mostly spend time around Catholics, so I don’t meet non-Jesus-lovers very often. Even my non-religious friends and coworkers know that I’m religious. All my dealbreakers are built into my own identity, so I’m not asking for anything I wouldn’t ask of myself.

I’m not really looking for commentary on my dealbreakers, but I’m interested in hearing what others have as theirs. If you care to share, leave a comment.

Thanks to Jen and Morgan for hosting! Check out other responses on their blogs.


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A smoker would be a definite deal-breaker for me, too. I also prefer taller guys, but since I’m not that tall myself, that shouldn’t be too much of a problem!

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