What I Wore Sunday: Dressed Up and Feeling Down

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No headshot today. I wasn’t in the mood for smiling. I did like my outfit, though.

What I Wore Sunday, October 4

Top and skirt: Target
Necklace: Charming Charlie
Earrings: super old, and not the ones that match the necklace
Shoes: Old Navy

I realized today that I went on a run of not wearing any of my maxi skirts on Sundays. At a West Coast Swing dance party last night, I struck up a conversation with a fellow long-legged lady. We never have problems wearing flats with maxi skirts, so I decided to take advantage of that.

Church was tough tonight. I did my pre-reading, so I knew I would probably be hearing a homily about marriage, although that part with the children at the end of today’s Gospel threw me for a loop. I found myself wondering what the significance of that ending would be, since that wasn’t included accidentally. I think there’s a message in there about trust and faith. When Mass started, I saw that we had Fr. Pastor for Mass, so I knew to expect a long and probably very good homily.

What I didn’t expect was how sad it would make me. Fr. Pastor started by acknowledging the hurt and pain that come from divorce and how it affects us as a culture, not just the former spouses. I’ve unfortunately seen more than one acquaintance get married and divorced already, so I appreciated feeling included (in a weird version of appreciation). Then, he listed what he thinks are the main reasons staying married is so hard right now. I forget what the first one was, but the other two were money and cohabitation. Spot on. I also appreciated his open acknowledgment that cohabitation is not just wrong but also overwhelmingly ineffective and that, because that truth doesn’t actually get preached often, people don’t understand or believe it.

In the end, though, I was feeling really down. I was alone, as always, and I wasn’t feeling particularly hopeful before Mass. That homily did not help, although it was really good. All I took away was that I’m doing everything right, and yet I’m still alone. The Eucharist is great—it’s a miracle—but it wasn’t reaching my heart today. It feels like I am stuck in Holy Saturday. Easter doesn’t make sense without Good Friday, and Good Friday is only bearable because Easter is coming. So what do we do about Saturday?

Based on the past, I’ll be hopeful again eventually. Today was just one of the harder days.


For more Mass fashion and commentary, visit Fine Linen and Purple.



10 Comments

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I see your point, here. And I do feel your sense of loss. I have had it, in the past (a very distant past, indeed: at present I have children of your age…:).
It is a sense of loosing time in waiting for Mr. Right. That seems not arriving, not as early as we’d like.
At that time, when I was young and in this situation, my priest gave me a good advice. He suggested to take temporary and private votes of chastity. Not that I was not chaste: Definitely I was and was blessed to keep my virginity till the day I got married.
But my priest’s point was that in the times of uncertainty, when you feel that this waiting time seems to be void, you need to focus, you need a strong reason to be.
A vote can be a reason, a promise to God, formally done, keep you focused and answers to your desire of being part of a plan.
It should be a private moment, between you and your priest. And God.
But formally done.
Believe me, it helps a lot!

Re: divorce. Pretty sure money is the main reason, even if it is not articulated or the spouses are even aware this is the reason they are getting divorced. With the decline in stable careers and women earning as much or more than men, this trend seems it will get only worse.

I think the cohabitation thing is a case of correlation not implying causation. It’s not that cohabitation makes you more likely to divorce, but that the attitudes, mindset, experiences etc. of people who shack up make it more likely that the marriage will end in divorce.

I inadvertently went to a confirmation mass so while the bishop made a passing reference to divorce (a shout-out to the Gospel) that wasn’t his focus.

    The Almighty Dollar is a powerful force indeed.

    As far as cohabitation, one of the reasons I like Scott Stanley’s research so much (he’s the guy I linked to) is that he acknowledges those correlations. People who are more likely to get divorced anyway are also more likely to cohabit. Cohabitation in and of itself might not have a significant impact on top of that baseline risk. Everyone seems to think that cohabitation is positive, though, or at least neutral. It might be neutral, but there is zero evidence that it reduces divorce risk. That’s the myth we need to squash.

I totally feel you about todays homily. Mine was kind of interesting. In our diocese it’s also Right to Life Sunday so then the priest attempted to tie that in as well and it was kind of confusing.

Then he ended it saying whoever you marry needs to be able to help get you to heaven. People say that all the time and I have no idea what that means.

I feel you about doing all the right things and then I see non-catholics and non-church people falling in love and getting married what seems pretty easy. Oh Life. :(

    We didn’t really get much about Respect Life Sunday, just an announcement to pick up the Pro-Life Office donation campaign boxes. I probably would have picked one angle or the other.

    Do you watch Fr. Mike Schmitz’s videos for Ascension Presents? He had one on vocation recently that makes the “get your spouse to heaven” angle a little clearer. I’m linking it in my NAS post tomorrow.

    Oh, other people. Most of my friends have already married each other. Sometimes it seems like it would be so easy to just give it all up and do whatever I want. Waiting is hard. Yesterday was really hard. Today is a little better.

Love that necklace!

And I’m sorry the homily didn’t lift your spirits :( This gospel is always tricky – either the priest kind of ignores it and preaches on something else, or his homily is depressing… I’ll pray for you! My sister is 32 and single (and awesome!), and has been having a tough time with discernment (she actually blogs also, at http://www.piercedhands.com/blog – you should see if she’ll be in your area soon so you guys can hang out!).

    Thanks! That necklace is one of my favorites. And thank you for your prayers. I had no idea you were related to Meg! I feel pretty awesome most days, too. As I wrote that, I was pretty sure I was going to feel better, and I did. I do. I was a little surprised at how hard the emotions hit me. They’re honest, though, and in some way I want others to know that if they’re not always feeling awesome about being single, it’s okay. They’re not alone.

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