Monthly Archives: November, 2003


I think I accidentally reset my body clock. The first day of break, I woke up at 10:30 just because I could. The second day, I think it was because I was tired from having been up so late the night before. This morning, though, I swear the clock said 9:15 the first time I opened my eyes. I only meant to sleep for about half an hour, but when I woke up, it was 10:30. This is gonna kill me come Monday. I hate mornings.

Greg and I are going out early today, to Love Actually and IHOP afterward. I think I set a record today for Most Tops Considered Before Sticking with One: 5. I accidentally burned #1 with the iron, #2 was uncharacteristic and uncomfortable, #3 was boring, I never planned on actually wearing #4, and #5 was finally acceptable. I might freeze, but I’m not a big fan of long sleeves, anyway. It’s all about layers.

And now, to finish a totally spam post, I leave you with this thought: Are toaster ovens really necessary? My mom bought one to replace the toaster, but now they use it like the microwave or the regular oven. I just didn’t want burnt Thomas’s Waffles anymore. Hmm….


A belated Happy Thanksgiving to all you lovely readers.

I woke up late again yesterday. I’ve been doing that all week, but not because I’m too lazy to get up; I’m just sleepy. Super-late-night conversations will do that. I ate some Cheerios, but skipped lunch because I wasn’t hungry and Thanksgiving dinner is at 3 or 4 o’clock, anyway.

We made the trek to House #1, my maternal grandparents. Grandma loves to cook, and yesterday was no exception. I didn’t eat a lot, but I ate enough. As I was helping my mom bring in the dishes after dinner, I noticed a mug in the microwave. Grandma’s a coffee drinker, so I asked her if she kept a mug in the microwave. She laughed and told me it was the milk for the mashed potatoes — she’d forgotten to put it in. I had wondered why her potatoes were so much thicker than usual, but they were still good. Granddaddy made his yearly appearance at the table (he usually eats in his recliner in the living room, watching tv), my only older cousin, Labrons, showed up, and everyone laughed at me. I swear, it’s not a holiday unless they talk about me. It’s like, “Hmm, we’ve run out of stuff to talk about. Let’s talk about Lindsay!” Like I’m not even there. It sucks.

Then to House #2: my paternal grandfather and Bridgette. Bridgette’s family came up from… wherever it is they’re from. We went in and through the hug line: Bridgette, Aunt Linda, Uncle Wade, someone’s mother, Papa, and some woman I’ve never seen before in my life, but she’s a relative, so she gets a hug. My dessert was good: rich-flavored pound cake like my mom makes and vanilla ice cream. There was this huge bucket of ice cream in the freezer. It was heavenly. Yummy, too. I retreated downstairs after I ate to talk, watch the Game Show Network (I love Family Feud), and read. I finished Shopaholic #2 and discovered that I’m just as bad at cell phone bowling as I am at regular bowling. I just don’t have to wear those uncomfortable fluorescent shoes (they do glow bowling).

We got home at about 11:45, in one piece despite my dad’s drinks. Mom’s usually less drunk than he is, but I suppose they were even last night. I talked on the phone with Greg for a while, and finally got to bed near 2am.

So, it’s no surprise that I didn’t wake up until 11:30 today. My parents went out Christmas shopping. I prefer to stay in on Black Friday. She called my cell phone earlier (which I’d left on), but by the time I noticed the little beeping noises in the background, she’d hung up. My hand was asleep, too, and it had marks in it from the sheets; I guess I slept heavily last night. I was irritated and half-asleep, so I shrugged it off and rolled back over.

So now I’m getting acclimated to the smell of burnt ravioli (???), trying to do enough of my break work to go out tomorrow night. Not that my parents won’t let me, ’cause they don’t usually say no. And my outline isn’t really due until Tuesday, and I’m already early with my applications. Except that I haven’t done my essays. I hate essays. At least there are some decent questions: “The arts, like food and water, are a necessity for true civilization.” I can work with that.

New guestbook layout. I found the picture on an NIH page, complete with the song and lyrics. Ah, nostalgia. Also, I have a theory: 1024×768 resolution is for people with good eyes. People with glasses already hate squinting.

Friday Five: Purchasing.

1. Do you like to shop? Why or why not? Generally, yes. I dislike clothes shopping because it makes me feel fat (which I so am not), but getting new clothes is always fun.

2. What was the last thing you purchased? I got a bunch of stuff at Target, but nothing since then: two CDs, new lip gloss, and various other things that don’t matter to anyone but me.

3. Do you prefer shopping online or at an actual store? Why? Usually the store is better. I rarely buy clothes without trying them on. I like to actually hold a book before I commit to buying it. And I can never remember everything I went in for, so wandering around a store helps. Sometimes.

4. Did you get an allowance as a child? How much was it? No. My parents still give me money when I ask for it, but they’ve never really given me money arbitrarily.

5. What was the last thing you regret purchasing? A binder. I realized the style was all wrong once I got home, and I keep forgetting to return it when I go out.


I haven’t blogged for the past few days, but there’s really no reason. I just didn’t feel like it. There was nothing to report, no rants to write, nothing really.

I haven’t been doing much over the past few days. I did the easy parts of a few more college applications, took a few quizzes in my LiveJournal, read one of my favorite Harry Potter fics, and spent a lot of time doing what I wanted to do.

Last night, my mom made me cook dinner. I think that’s supposed to be her way of keeping me from being lazy. She told me Monday night, but I forgot until she called me from work yesterday and said, “So, did you decide what you’re cooking for dinner tonight?” I looked around, disgruntled, and wound up making pancakes and eggs. I can’t use the Perfect Pancake, so I made them the non-gadget way with a frying pan. I was stuck in the kitchen forever, pouring, flipping, and cooking in general. I don’t know how my parents do that all the time.

Today, I went driving by myself for the first time. It was weird, not having to remind my mom to lock her door. Just being all alone in the car was a new feeling. I didn’t go far, just to the rugrats’ school down the street to practice parking and such. I managed not to hit anything or get in any other car’s way. I tried backing into one space, which I’ve never tried before, and pulled a Megan. I actually got the space next to the one I was aiming for. :x In that case, it was okay, because the lot was empty. So I wound up comfortably in a parking space, just not the one I meant to pull into. Yeah.

I’ve had some interesting conversations with Greg lately. You think we’d have run out of things to discuss long ago, but no. We can go on for hours about basically nothing. Sometimes it takes an hour or so to get to a meaningful topic. “Meaningful” doesn’t always mean good, but except for that one fight we had a while ago, we’re generally okay afterwards.

My life rarely makes sense anymore. That sucks. I like logic.


First, a public service announcement: The Hunger Site, the Breast Cancer Site, and the Rainforest Site, which I shamelessly plug all the time, have set goals. The BCS has pledged to earn enough for 250 mammograms for needy women by the end of the month, so if you have an extra few seconds, just pop over and click — it won’t cost you a thing. Also, the Hunger Site has pledged six million cups of food in six weeks, and the Rainforest Site 75 million square feet by the end of the year. It’s all for charity, and it’s about the simplest thing you can do.

Second, a frenzied happy dance because I PASSED MY DRIVING TEST!!! Oh my gosh. So, the story. My appointment was at 10:30, so I drove to MVA with my mom. The lines were crazy when we got there, and I think they were short a few instructors, so we had to wait until about 11 before we were sent out to wait in line. I actually missed the turn, so I had to come back around. The girl who was supposed to be after me got ahead — she was driving a Lexus! What sane parent lets their teenager practice in a Lexus? That’s what the Honda’s for, people.

So the instructor got in, a big black guy. He asked how I was doing, so I answered honestly, “I’m kinda nervous, but I can do this.” He said, “That’s right,” and I calmed down a little. But just a tad. He asked me to open the door, so I did, but then I had to wait for the power lock motor to stop so I could relock it. I hate those spastic locks. We drove out onto the course, and I was good to go. I used my signal, and went slow, and backed straight. In the turnabout, I forgot I was still in reverse, so I lost two points for that. I remembered to stop at all the signs along the way, and I paid very little attention to Lexus girl ahead of me.

Oh, the parallel parking. The part that usually causes people to fail. I almost started too far away, but I had one more set of flags to go for, so I pulled up and over some more. I did all the right shifting and turning, but then he opened the door and said, “Okay, you need to get about a foot closer to the curb.” I was like, “Damn.” But I remembered how my mom taught me to get closer, and I did it. He opened the door again, and said, “Perfect.” I was ecstatic. I’ve been hearing that word in my head for hours. “Perfect.” Yeah, it took me two tries to get to perfect, but I didn’t screw anything else up in the process. I remembered that crucial final stop sign and pulled into the parking lot again. He said, “Congratulations, you passed,” and I burst into a happy dance. It felt so good. My mom drove back around and brought me my book for the hour-long wait. I took a new crappy picture, and finally got to leave for Wendy’s at 1:15 or so. Then I drove home and backed into my “space” with some help from my mom.

Wow. A Thing actually turned out okay. Maybe there’s some hope yet. Movies tonight with Greg, The Cat in the Hat. I’ve heard mixed reviews, but we’ll see. It feels odd to have done something positive today, but it feels good, too. So good.



I don’t really remember Wednesday, which I suppose means nothing crucial happened, so I’ll move on in the Lindsay Didn’t Blog Recap.

Yesterday, I was in a really bad mood. I was just bitter, pretty much all day. We watched this 40th anniversary series of JFK assassination shows from the History Channel in Adkins, since we’d finished the discussion points and the test was today. It was disturbing to see that fatal head shot, not once, but twice. No matter what the Warren Commission said, one of those shots had to have come from the front. Faking video in those days would have been too much to bother with, and a shot from the rear wouldn’t have caused damage like that. I feel so sorry for Jackie. That must have been traumatic, to have your husband so brutally murdered right next to you. She had his brain in her hands, and somehow she managed to keep living. That’s a true woman of character.

I stayed for It’s Academic, the first time this week. Andrew read, and Greg and I played on opposite sides to balance things out. There was a new junior girl there, but I didn’t get her name. She had really pretty hair, though.

So I came home and struggled to get everything done, still managing to not study properly for my Adkins test today and talk to Greg about our SAT lesson.

The bus was late to school. Again. I’m used to it by now. It’s weird being there on time on days when I have a ride to school. We had a quiz in PreCal. We were interrupted by the fire drill just after 10:00, so she told us to mark one question extra credit and just turn them in so we could get to our next class.

RP was blah. I worked on a hasty script for the SAT lesson, then watched a mostly pointless 60 Minutes tape on human growth hormone. I know all about it from an article I read in The Washington Post for one of Mr. Witko’s “magazine reports”. I always use the Health section (Tuesdays) for those. Oh, and speaking of the Post, there was a really excellent article in last week’s Magazine about movie ratings. Apparently, the PG-13 rating only came into being in the mid-80’s, with Gremlins. It wasn’t bad enough for R, but at the time the only lesser rating was PG, and people were very upset by that. The problem with PG-13 is the R-caliber content that sneaks in there. You can use the f-word in PG-13 movies, but only once, and not in its “true sexually derived meaning.” As the writer’s example, you can say, “I want to f— you up,” but not, “I want to f— you.” It’s a gray area. Movie ratings are not law, and the people who assign ratings are paid by movie studios. The whole process is shady.

Moving on. I tried to wait for Mr. Witko third period to give him my pass, but he didn’t show, so I just left. Ms. Maiden and all the other people were in the ITV room to film a student SAT prep video. I figured participating couldn’t hurt. I was wrong. First, Ian was impossible again. His pretentiousness never used to bother me, but lately it’s just too much. One of these days I’m gonna go Carrie on him. Greg and I taught root words. After we’d finished, Ms. Maiden and the other lady tried to convince us that some of our roots weren’t roots. I paid no attention. If she wanted to approve our lesson like that, she couldn’t have. We didn’t have enough notice to nitpick like that. I only found out and had my publicity form signed on Tuesday, and we discussed it a total of once, yesterday afternoon.

The taping ran into fifth period. So, I missed my lunch and I was late for Adkins. He was fine with my excuse, and I got to work on the test. I didn’t get to study properly, so I don’t think I did very well. And I was frustrated and tired and on the verge of tears because everything was piling up again.

I left seventh period (without my graduation brochure thingy) to go to the cafeteria. Ms. Maiden ordered pizza for the “SAT Video Club”. I was so hungry by then, and very grateful for the food. Then we went to the Honor Roll Assembly. I think we missed the choir, but the band and Blue Guards (drill team) were both fantastic. I trapised down the near-treacherous bleachers to get my pin, was photographed by Mrs. Crowe, and sat back down.

I was in a b*tchy mood today. Seriously. Everything from the arrival at school to pizza was just bad. Bad, bad, bad. Like it was Lindsay and the Terrible, Horrible, No Good, Very Bad Day. I came close to sobbing at least twice. And Greg. He’s always there for me, always. Even before we dated, even through Mark. Lately, I’ve been in a terrible mood. Sometimes I can let it go and enjoy myself, but I still have this massive gray cloud hanging just out of sight. Greg must feel like that cloud moves over to him. I want to let go, I want to let it all out, I really do. I’m just afraid. Afraid because, if I look at it honestly, it’s my own damn fault that I’m suffering a lot of this stress. Afraid that it’s going to eat me alive. Afraid that if I let it out, I won’t be able to harness it in again.

After spending time with (sort of) just Greg at the assembly, I felt much better. And I met my mom’s cousin Stephanie, who drives a bus at our school. She said I looked like my mom. Go figure. My day started out terrible, horrible, no good, very bad, but then got better, and it was freakishly warm. That is all.

::returns:: I was wrong. That’s not all. Friday Five: Five Things.

1. List five things you’d like to accomplish by the end of the year. Submitting all my college applications, playing the piano again, write a snail-mail letter, start clearing out my room in preparation for moving out next fall (never too early), and get my driver’s license.

2. List five people you’ve lost contact with that you’d like to hear from again. Amber, Tasia, Rose, David V., and Paul S.

3. List five things you’d like to learn how to do. Sew, play guitar, do a cartwheel, give myself a pedicure, and… I don’t know what else.

4. List five things you’d do if you won the lottery (no limit). Set aside many thousands for my college education, donate to the Red Cross, donate to the ASPCA, donate to BookAid, and set aside enough for a new car when I’m ready.

5. List five things you do that help you relax. This is the worst question for me right now, so I’m not even going to pretend that I can answer it.


I was rushed yesterday morning because I got out of bed, like, two minutes late. I hate that it takes me so long to get ready in the morning. And, as if the knowledge that I could sleep through the time I spend getting ready wasn’t bad enough, especially in my new sleep-deprived life, my mom is always on me about it. Yes, Mommie Dearest, I know it’s unusual to take two hours to get ready in the morning. I wish I could do it faster, but I can’t. You badgering me about it isn’t going to change anything. It’s just going to make me tune you out, and turn on those voices inside my head, and make me categorize it as another Thing, and ultimately cry. At least if my life was a movie, I’d know how it turns out, and maybe I wouldn’t have to wallow like this.

The word “derivative” used to represent the ultimate of math terminology for me. If you use “derivative” in normal conversation, you are undeniably and wholeheartedly a nerd. Of course, now I know what that means and am gradually figuring out how to find the thing. Wonder of wonders.

RP is RP. It seems Mr. Bley’s class has gone back to their usual nothing, and Mr. Avondet’s gone now (he quit because of pay issues with the school), so who knows what they’re up to.

Witko is becoming more bearable. I sit in the back now, much farther away from him than I used to, so I can tune him out and deflect his weirdness much easier. He was out today. Dr. J covered for him, and he pretended not to find the classwork, so I did my math homework.

Mr. Belanger’s room was locked and dark today, so I skipped NHS tutoring. We had a pop quiz in Adkins that I expected and think I did well on. We have a test Thursday, the shortest test-to-test time we’ve had so far. Our Hamlet test is also Thursday, along with a Geology test which may or may not be open-notes.

Also, guidance held a National Merit/Achievement breakfast this morning, which meant I had to be up at the ungodly hour of 5:30, and I was still late. It turns out that I was recognized in the National Achievement Program, which is basically the top 4600 PSAT scorers who are also black. I’m out of the running for scholarship cash, which sucks, but I got a nice, clean letter from NASC. And the catered food was pretty good. I sat next to Justin, which opens a whole other can of worms. Except for the up-early thing, it was okay.

Driving sucks. It sucks, sucks, sucks, and I am never going to be able to do it to anyone’s satisfaction. Being depressed sucks, too. My life got royally sucky all of a sudden, and now I have to go bed.


I had a lovely, leisurely Saturday. I did some homework and watched tv and was almost stress-free. God, I miss that feeling. Finding Nemo was fabulous! I almost cried, but the rest of the time I was laughing and smiling. Part of it might have been from what I’ve heard about the movie, but the rest was a genuine reaction. That’s like The Little Mermaid for this generation. And it’s not nearly as girly.

I got up early this morning so my mom and I could practice parallel parking again. There were some students from the driving school already there, so we sat and watched until they left. Apparently, I was perfect the first try, but I don’t remember what I did, so that was useless. Then we went out to Waldorf, to Target and the mall. I drove. I actually came across another driving school car; it nearly moved into my lane. I panicked for a second, but recovered. That was weird.

I feel guilty, though, after all that shopping. I should be doing Christmas shopping now, but instead I got a bundle for me. I finally found the perfect jeans at Old Navy, and I had a $5 off coupon from my magazine to boot. I got some cute monogram earrings and some with purple butterflies in Afterthoughts. That is, after the obviously gay but very nice managers figured out how to run my giftcard through the register. I got an overpriced necklace from New York and Company to zero out a giftcard from… two years ago. Then I used my giftcard at Sam Goody for The Truman Show. The also very nice guy at Suncoast sent me across the mall for that one. He even pointed me in the right direction. No matter how often I go there, I always manage to go the opposite way I mean to. Oh, and I found this awesome deal on Bonne Bell lip gloss. It was like two for the price of half of one.

When we got back, I realized a simple mistake that might have been hampering my parallel parking this whole time, and I found out that I somehow know how to make a three- (or four-) point turn having only practiced once ever. I came in, ate, finished my homework, and generally relaxed.

I got two CD’s at Target, Mandy Moore’s Coverage and Switchfoot’s The Beautiful Letdown. I listened to Mandy’s earlier. There’s some good stuff on it, but I think it’s too mellow. I like my music uptempo and bass-y. No big deal, it only cost me about ten bucks. I knew they were supposed to be lowering CD prices, but I guess it’s actually been that long since I had new music.

I talked to Greg in Target, and I tried to text him from the mall, but Cingular kept insisting that his number doesn’t exist. I’ll try to catch him again later. … Especially since I’m going insane. I swear I just heard my cell phone ringing, but it didn’t. Help me.

Sigh. This weekend was good. I could use these more often. I miss having these weekends. I miss my old life, because I’m slowly realizing that this year is totally new. The good thing is that if I make it through this year, I can make it through anything.

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