Not the Answer I Expected

Fr. Bill wrote an article for the Catholic Standard! It’s about Sister Veronica of the Immaculate Heart of Mary, formerly Elizabeth Hartley. She’s a former Terp, and the last female religious vocation to come out of the CSC. The print article included a picture of Sr. Veronica in her Carmelite habit, with Justin the seminarian and Fr. Bill. It was even well-written. Yay for Father Bill.

The article, of course, gets me thinking about vocations. I’ve mentioned a few times that I’m discerning, but most people don’t know that. After Sunday’s Shrine and Dine, I had a small revelation. There was no slip into religious ecstasy or anything like that. I was just thinking, like I always do, and I remembered that, during our conversation at Plato’s, someone mentioned the lack of girls with vocations at the CSC. I was going to mention my own discernment, but then I stopped. So while making my bed that afternoon, I wondered why. All of a sudden, I thought, “Because you wouldn’t be able to explain why.” And that’s the truth: I don’t know why, exactly, I’ve been storming heaven with prayers for discernment.

Part of it is my “someone has to do it” attitude. It’s not a spirit that comes naturally; I have to cultivate it. At one Fiat Dinner, we joked about who among us would “take one for the team” by becoming a sister. Some part of me thinks that I might have to be that girl. So, since Fiat Dinners started in the fall, I’ve been praying about discerning my vocation. If you haven’t noticed, ShoreLines is a vocation newsletter. I learned what it’s like to pray for something for a long time without feeling like you’re getting an answer. (Perhaps I should have also petitioned St. Monica.)

I think I got my answer on Sunday. It was, “You’re not ready to hear the answer yet.” I decided that, instead of focusing so much on discerning, I’m going to focus on growing in faith. That is why I started praying part of the LOTH. (I also chose that because religious are bound to pray it, so I’m getting a head start if that’s my vocation.) That is why I took up my daily Rosary again. That is why I started a 54-day Rosary novena. And someday, I hope that my spiritual growth will mean that I will be able to hear God when He calls to me.



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LOTH?

Oh wow. I struggle to do a 9 day Novena of Divine Mercy… I don’t think I’d make 54 days… But wow. Good luck and God bless. :)

Oh also, congrats on the BEAUTIFUL website design. I love it :)

[…] Reading about single Christian women searching for Christian husbands always strikes me just so. Four years ago, if you’d asked me whether I hoped to marry, I would have said yes, despite having never dated anyone. Two years ago, I would have avoided the question because I was dating, but not even out of high school. I wasn’t ready to address that with anyone but my boyfriend, and I hadn’t yet come back to church. Six months ago, I would have said that I was discerning religious life. I didn’t even wonder why I wasn’t dating; I was busy praying. And today, I would say that I have no idea. After the conversations over lunch during the Shrine and Dine, I realized that I’m not ready to discern my vocation. I still pray for that specifically; don’t get me wrong, if the answer’s coming, I want to hear it. The problem is that I’m not ready to hear it. I don’t know how to hear it. (I’ve written about this already.) I know Maura might find the news that there are potential husbands out there especially encouraging. For the moment, I’m just trying to stay focused on my spiritual growth and catechesis. I had an encounter last week that made me wonder, but with a new semester coming up, I’m just bracing myself for the next transition. […]

[…] of these thoughts remind me of my inconclusive discernment. I have gotten closer to God since I decided to make that effort, but I’m no […]

[…] to hear it. The problem is that I’m not ready to hear it. I don’t know how to hear it. (I’ve written about this already.) I know Maura might find the news that there are potential husbands out there especially […]

[…] of these thoughts remind me of my inconclusive period of discernment. I have gotten closer to God since I decided to make that effort, but […]

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