7 Quick Takes on Criticism, Feedback, and the Rosary

7 Quick Takes, hosted at This Ain't the Lyceum

— 1 —

I caused a bit of a kerfuffle in the comments section after last week’s take on constructive criticism. I’ve been reading advice from Gottman Certified Therapists for several months now (maybe even years), so I’m very familiar with the lingo. As with basically all areas of my life, words were very important to the point I was trying to make there. I was working with the Gottman definition of criticism, which is very specific and applies to the thoughts I shared. If you define it differently, then yes, I might have sounded like a crazy person.

The Gottmans are known for their Love Lab, wherein they videotaped couples after asking them to recall a recent disagreement. Through analyzing these conversations, they identified four major behaviors that were far more prevalent in couples that eventually divorced than in couples that stayed together. He calls them the four horsemen of the apocalypse: criticism, contempt, stonewalling, and defensiveness.

So when I hear “criticism,” I hear “horseman of the relationship apocalypse.” That’s why I think constructive criticism ruins relationships, at home and in the world.

— 2 —

Some of the comment-section discussion on whether constructive criticism can ever be okay turned more towards “feedback.” I think of feedback as being positive, negative, or even neutral, but some people have the same aversion to that word as I do to “criticism.” Smart, Pretty, and Awkward recently included a link to an article about asking for advice instead of feedback. As a culture, we know that advice is meant to be helpful. If someone gives you unhelpful advice (or advice you don’t want to take), you just ignore it. That’s a strategy I can get behind.

— 3 —

I go grocery shopping every Saturday, and today this happened:

— 4 —

I also watch Jeopardy! almost every day, and this week, this happened:

— 5 —

I use Windows 10, and after the most recent major update (it’s called the “Creators Update”), I kept seeing an all-black window flash across the screen at random times. It was too fast for me to see, and I thought it was a fluke the first time, but it got annoying very quickly. So, once I caught enough of a glimpse during the split-second to have a phrase to Google, I found some help over at Ghacks to stop the pop-up. And now it’s gone.

— 6 —

I think I’m a terrible Catholic because I stopped liking the rosary. I used to pray it on my agonizingly long commute home every day, but after a few weeks here in Louisville sans commute, it started feeling like a chore. I know, I know! I couldn’t not pray, though, so I switched to the Divine Mercy Chaplet, and all is well once again. Except when I forget that the Hail Mary is followed by the Apostles Creed and not a Glory Be, but that’s easily resolved.

— 7 —

I got some positive work-related news this week, but nothing I’m ready to blog about. It’s nice to finally have some.

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Here’s something I came across today in my internet surfing:

โ€œThe old are often suspicious of the young and do not welcome criticism, yet without criticism, both destructive and constructive, there can be no progress.โ€ โ€” J.F.C. Fuller, Generalship, Its Diseases and Their Cure

Speaking about what he saw as needed reform of the British military in the 1930s, but widely applicable.

The last time I said the rosary was at a meeting of Spirit and Truth. There are many ways I am not a good Christian/Catholic, but failing to say the rosary is not one of them in my mind.

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