Category Archives: Life

Because I’m Black

I’ve been intentionally quiet over the past few weeks and days as I see more and more of my friends and acquaintances making declarations of anti-racism; sharing book, article, and speaker recommendations; declaring how tired they are of “everything that’s been going on“ (which could include the virus, really); and so on.

I see you. I hear you. I am not unaffected.

For those of you who didn’t know or may have wondered (which is something for which I don’t blame you), I am just black; all black, not mixed with anything. My mom’s side of the family has very light skin. Black people come in many colors.

I’ve also been thinking about what I want, what I need specifically. I speak only for myself, Lindsay Wilcox, and not for anyone else.

I want you to get to know the actual black people in your lives, and I want you to get to know them as black people. That includes me, so you’re off to a good start. 👍 I’ve been black my whole life. It is part of who I am. You might not think about that part of me when you think of me. That doesn’t make me not black.

I also want you to listen when people say that some things are not okay. I mean matters of race right now, but it applies across the board. That’s the phrase I use (“not okay”), and that’s what I teach my students, and that’s probably what I would teach my children if I had any. When someone⁠—anyone—says “that’s not okay,” the correct response is “I’m sorry.” Then stop talking. If it’s not a big deal, you’re all set, and we can all move on with our lives. If is a big deal to that person—even if it is not a big deal to you—keep listening. Big deals get explained. You can defend yourself second. The one who was offended gets to speak first.

That’s all I have to say for now. Thanks for reading. Thanks for caring.

Currently: January 2019

Currently at Lindsay Loves

It has been a while, dear readers. School started after my last post, of course, and I had a tough summer leading up to that. My annual Epiphany card should be at my doorstep tomorrow, ready to be sent, so it seemed like the right time to update this space.

(I’m also still off from school. This is the perk that made being in school all the way through midday on December 21 almost worth it. Almost.)

Here’s what I am currently…

Choosing: To share here that Mr. Man and I broke up. Several months have passed since then. I’m moving on.

Tidying: My closet, just a little bit. It’s never been full. I have a walk-in designed for two people, and I’m the only person that lives in my apartment, so I shouldn’t be able to fill it. I did have a tottering stack of clothes that are out of season or too big (but perfectly good), so I finally caved and bought a storage bin to hold them all. The whole space is much brighter now!

Resolving: To not let school take over my life. It’s simply not an option. I’m struggling with a lot of feelings, my mindset, negative self-talk, and the normal stress of my chosen field. Times are tough. I made it through the first half of the year. Second halves have not historically been an area of strength for me, but I can’t predict the future.

Exploring: The world of cinema. I went home for Christmas, as usual, so I had access to cable. I’ve been a cord-cutter for so many years that I always forget how hard it is to resist the siren song of over 100 channels. I usually dig around in the schedule to find my Christmas favorites, but this year was bad.

I saw Aquaman (gorgeous but blah story) and Fantastic Beasts: The Crimes of Grindelwald (incredibly complex) in theaters.

I watched all of these on TV:

  • Pirates of the Caribbean: On Stranger Tides
  • Life Size 2: A Christmas Eve
  • The Greatest Showman
  • Now You See Me 2 (first non-HP movie I’ve seen with Daniel Radcliffe)
  • Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows, Part 1
  • Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows, Part 2
  • The Santa Clause 3
  • Captain America: Civil War

I watched at least half of these on TV:

  • Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince
  • Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban
  • Now You See Me
  • The Santa Clause (my favorite Christmas movie)
  • The Nightmare Before Christmas
  • The Lion King
  • The Holiday (my other favorite Christmas movie)
  • Pirates of the Caribbean: Dead Man’s Chest

And then I watched War Games on VUDU so I could get a discount for renting White Christmas, which is another favorite Christmas movie. So that will bring my total to twenty movies in two weeks… but every time I’ve tried to complete that list, I think of another one I saw!

Refreshing: My water filter. I love my Brita pitcher, but I flat-out ignored the filter change indicator. It’s built right into the lid; I had no excuse. My water does taste much better now.

Recapping: September through December (oops)

  • I reviewed a book for NetGalley for the first time in forever. It’s rather popular (my review; I don’t know how the book is doing).
  • I went to the dentist and was left alone without so much as a “sorry for the wait” check-in for thirty minutes. It was awful.
  • I was a bridesmaid in a dear friend’s wedding back East.
  • I got to see my sweet godson for the first time in years. His family is nearby again!
  • I finished reading the Bible. It took me eleven years.

So what’s new with you? What are you exploring currently?

Currently is hosted on the first Wednesday of each month by Anne of In Residence. Won’t you join us?

Currently: June 2018

Currently at Lindsay Loves

Well, that was a long hiatus. I hope to share what I’ve been up to in a future post, but for now, let’s just hit the ground running.

Here’s what (and where) I am currently…

Traveling: Nowhere, which is the way I like it. I rely so much on my habits and routines that the perks of traveling are outweighed by everything being so different from my usual life. I lived overseas as a kid and have lived and worked in several states, so I’ve had plenty of great experiences. I might be up for a few more, but traveling is not my thing.

Grilling: Nothing—I don’t know how! I was grilled in a couple of interviews recently, though. Not everything is in writing, and the Internet never forgets, so I can’t be specific yet, but I have news. Stay tuned.

Exploring: A new dance studio. I always knew I’d get back to West Coast Swing eventually, but it took until summer for me to have the bandwidth of time and energy to actually do it. Becoming a regular at a new studio will take some time, but I’ve done it before, so I’m confident that I can do it again. My shoes are already happy to be back on my feet.

Planting: The seeds of new friendships. Work takes up most of my time, so I didn’t have the bandwidth for friend-making, either. This is a good time, though. Making friends as an adult is difficult and awkward, but it can be done. Do you have any advice?

Playing: QuizUp and 4 Pics, 1 Word. Throwbacks, I know! I got a new iPhone a few months ago, so I’ve been using it a lot since I don’t have to deal with the sluggishness of my old one. (I made that 5c last for four years!) I paid to remove ads on QuizUp ages ago, so the 2-minute games are exactly my style. I did not pay to remove ads on 4 Pics, 1 Word, so I usually play less than ten levels before I get fed up and stop. I’m reasonably certain that the marketers did not mean for the ads to help me avoid getting addicted, but that is the result.

I usually end my Currently posts by recapping the previous month, but it’s been ten months since I posted, so I will spare both of us that labor… for the moment.

What’s new with you? What are you playing currently?

Currently is hosted on the first Wednesday of each month by Anne of In Residence. This month’s guest co-host is Sarah of Total Basset Case. Won’t you join us?

Surprise! I moved to Kentucky!

Dear readers, you might have been wondering why this space has been so quiet as of late. It’s because I moved to Kentucky. Surprise! Now that the move is complete, I can finally share here on the blog.

Mr. Man and I dated long-distance for almost a year and a half. Some time ago, when I realized that we were actually pursuing a relationship that might lead to marriage, I had to make a decision. He has a career here in Louisville, and I did not have one in Austin, so it made more sense for me to move to his city. That meant I had to decide whether I felt more peace about moving to his city without being engaged first, or whether I wanted to get engaged without ever having lived in the same city.

It was all about that feeling of peace, really. Sometimes feelings get the short end of the stick when it comes to discernment, but it shouldn’t be that way. God speaks to us through our emotions, our conscience, and our intellect. I knew which choice brought me peace and which just didn’t feel right.

We’re not engaged. And I live in Louisville now.


New license plates means this is for real.

Wise women before me have faced the same decision. Wise women have decided to move without a ring, and wise women have made the move only after receiving a proposal or taking vows. This was what made sense for me—and for us.

I am between jobs now, which is less than ideal. The details make up a long story. But these days, we should be more concerned with the greatest story ever told, so I will bring this announcement to a close.

If I missed saying goodbye to you in person in Austin, I sincerely apologize. If you’re in Louisville, drop me a line so we can say hello! Either way, Mr. Man and I appreciate your prayers for our continued discernment.

Year in Review 2016

I didn’t even plan on publishing this before 2016 was over. I was too busy vacationing with Mr. Man for that. I did, however, plan to post this before the end of January. Trying to follow that plan turned into a lesson about priorities!

My 2016 Best Nine

My “best nine” photos from Instagram, based on likes.

So yes, I’m reaching back really far at this point. One of the benefits of focusing so much on personal productivity is that I keep detailed records in order to back up my terrible, terrible memory. Those help me with my GTD Weekly Review, and they also help me publish Currently each month.

I made my first pass through my year in an attempt to order and send Christmas cards “on time.” I don’t have a family to take a photo of, and I like to celebrate as much of the Christmas season as possible, so I started sending Epiphany cards a few years ago. You can get a good discount for ordering later in the card-sending season, and they seem more like New Year cards for my secular friends.

This year, I decided to forgo the “Christmas letter” style and go for bullet points. If you didn’t get your card, here it is!

Find Your Joy in the New Year

I had the back printed with just text (and space for signing!), so here’s that part:

2016 By the Numbers

Weeks of Bible study: 22
Appliances repaired or replaced: 3
Cities visited: 2 (Chicago and Houston)
Months I have been dating my boyfriend, Mr. Man: 14
Times I auditioned for Jeopardy!: 1
Hours on retreat: 9.5
Funerals attended: 2
West Coast Swing classes: 40
West Coast Swing workshops: 2
Books read: 22
Student loans paid off: 2
Blog posts published: over 130

I was also diagnosed with morphea (MOR-fee-uh) this year. It is a rare and incurable autoimmune skin condition, but I’ll be fine. Follow me at, and share what’s new with you! Make 2017 a great year!

I always sign and address them by hand. It breaks my heart a little when I get a card that doesn’t bear any personal signs of the sender: sender and recipient addresses on plain white labels, pre-printed cards, no signatures. Yes, customizing them takes time, but that time is part of the gift.

Here are my “most posts” of 2016, in the style of Sarah Mackenzie of Read Aloud Revival:

  • Post with the most clicks: My most popular post published last year was a review of a video about discernment by Fr. Mike Schmitz and an article about discernment by Peter Kreeft. Believe it or not, the popularity was actually due to Twitter. I tweet a link to new blog posts automatically, and for that one, I used Fr. Mike’s handle to tag him. He retweeted it, and my poor little blog never knew what hit it!

  • Post with the most comments: I try to reply to every comment I receive, so the count is undoubtedly inflated, but my essay post about making friends as an adult got the most posts of any last year.

  • Post with the best picture: I really enjoyed my illustrations last year. So many online Jeopardy! screencaps. So many tweets. Several photos with Mr. Man. A couple of household organization wins. I really like the “demons are spiritual, too” meme from one of my 7QT posts, though, so that wins for 2016.

  • Post that was hardest to write: I sat on my morphea awareness post for a long time. I spent a long time hiding the visible signs. I struggled with how much I wanted to share here on the blog, and when, and what exactly to say. Finally, I just decided to do what I’ve always done here—share my heart. The compassionate responses I’ve received have brought me so much joy.

  • Post that was your personal favorite: I was very happy to introduce everyone to Mr. Man. We dated for so long before we met in person! Facebook technically still does not know we’re dating (I prefer it that way), but I’m sure that mysterious algorithm noticed the surge of traffic to my blog when I shared my post there. I’m very grateful that he’s in my life and that he allows me to talk about him here.

Finally, my recurring themes of 2016 were:

  • West Coast Swing: A returning character from last year. I continued the passive weight loss I’d started by getting any exercise at all (as opposed to my previous zero). I made it through enough of the Level 3 syllabus to start repeating months, so I got to experience learning from a new angle. I took a workshop with Jordan & Tatiana. I didn’t participate in the annual West Coast Swing flash mob, but there’s always 2017!

  • Endings: My grandmother died. Spirit & Truth disbanded. The Not Alone Series faded away. I went to the summer shows at Zilker for the last time, missing the literal ending of Macbeth due to a storm. I stopped hiding the morphea patches on my legs.

  • Marriage: Of course. Also a returning character. It has been an enlightening experience to put more of my dating preparation, so to speak, to practical use. I attended a retreat that was focused on relationships (not just marriage), and it was excellent. I have also had an adventure navigating a long-distance relationship. I always knew that a God-centered romantic relationship would take work. I am very grateful to be working with such a wonderful partner.

What were your recurring characters of 2016? How has 2017 been going? What are your goals for the rest of the year? Every day is a good day to resolve to change your life—and then do it!

Currently: March 2017

Currently at Lindsay Loves

The scant few days of February cause March to sneak up on many people. I have a couple of birthdays in my circle in February, though, so it always feels like just the right length to me. Non-bloggable matters have kept me moving through new projects, travel, and events. This year is moving right along!

Here’s what I am currently…

Watching: The final season of Bones! It didn’t start until January, and episodes have been moving right along. I was disappointed at the resolution to the cliffhanger. They built up another good arc, but it seems to be done again. It feels strange to be starting and ending a season in just a few months. I hope the series comes to a satisfying end. The almost-series finale a few seasons ago would have been really good. Can they top it?

I’m also up to Season 4 of Merlin. Both of the leading ladies got huge appearance changes this season. I’m not a fan, but I am excited to see how Arthur’s reign, Lancelot’s return, and Guinevere’s doomed romances all play out in just two seasons.

Eating: A ton of Mexican food. I know; I live in Texas, but still! I had a chimichanga for the first time last week. It’s basically a burrito, lightly toasted and covered with queso. It was worth trying, but so decadent. I should probably stick to enchiladas and flautas.

Saying: Many things to Mr. Man, as usual. I got to see him again last weekend! I also find myself saying more often than usual around the office that you have to make the machines work for you. Technology can be a huge time waster, but it also saves time like crazy. Auto-pay bills, the Dropbox mobile app’s document scanner, anything with voice recognition: use these tools! At least use them until the machines take over.

Wearing: Summer clothes! A few weekends ago, it was legitimately too hot for jeans in the afternoon. I felt ridiculous wearing shorts in February, but the weather was appropriate! I honestly don’t know what to wear most days. I just mentally prepare for being too warm or too cold at some point every day, and I try to remember whether my ceiling fan is still on when my bedroom light is off. I hate the light switch fake-out.

Posting: Not much at all, besides sharing my Sunday Style. My aforementioned non-bloggable matters are taking up time that I might otherwise use to blog. Some of my hobbies and activities are gone, but then there is Twitter. I struggle.

Recapping: February

  • I rear-ended a minivan on Valentine’s Day. No injuries. I blame the drizzle and the stop-and-go traffic. Insurance settled everything, so I’m all set now.
  • Yesterday was Rare Disease Day, so I shared my morphea awareness post on Twitter and Facebook.
  • My delightful optometrist prescribed me some antihistamine eye drops, and my eye started watering again, so now I have figured out how to use eye drops successfully. And no one had to tackle me like on Friends!
  • A dear friend hosted her annual tea party. I enjoyed blueberry jasmine tea, a butterbeer cupcake (it was Harry Potter themed), and much girl talk.
  • I went up to Ft. Worth to see Mr. Man. Due to my car repairs, I got to drive a rental, which was good and bad.

So what’s new with you? What are you saying currently?

Currently is hosted on the first Wednesday of each month by Anne of In Residence. This month’s guest co-host is Carrie of A Stylish Fit. Won’t you join us?

I Have Morphea

I have a secret.

I have morphea.

Morphea is a rare and incurable autoimmune skin disorder, and it’s something I have been living with for the last two years. It’s pronounced MOR-fee-uh, like “metamorphosis” or the Mighty Morphin’ Power Rangers.

Morphea is rare in the sense that less than 200,000 people in the U.S. have it. I’d never even heard of it until my dermatologist mentioned it. It appears to be slightly more common among black people and women, so I won that terrible lottery.

It’s incurable in that, well, there’s no cure. There are treatments that can help with various effects, but it’s not like a cold or rash or even something that can be managed with medication. No one knows how it begins. Once it begins, it can spread quickly or slowly. It can worsen over a lifetime or stop spreading altogether. It can suddenly get worse after years of stagnation. It might be exacerbated by skin injury, some attempts at treatment (nice, huh?), or even pregnancy. It is possible to have all of one’s morphea patches disappear completely without any treatment at all.

It’s autoimmune, which means that I didn’t catch it, and you can’t catch it from me. Autoimmune disorders of all kinds are particularly hard to treat because they vary as much as individual humans do.

Autoimmune disease: because the only thing tough enough to kick my *** is me.

My Story

About two years ago now, I noticed some weird bruises on the front of my calves. I didn’t think much of it. I am tall, and I got tall fast when I hit puberty. I’m still a little bit clumsy, so it’s not entirely uncommon for me to, say, bump into a door frame and forget about it until a bruise turns up later. These spots didn’t hurt, which was weird; bruises tend to hurt at least a little. I mostly ignored whatever was happening, choosing to wear maxi skirts, pants, and leggings to cover up.

I don’t remember exactly when the not-really-bruises first appeared, but I do remember that the cold weather came fairly quickly after I noticed, because I was relieved. It’s not so obvious and not so much work to cover up my legs when it’s cold. That detail places the onset of my morphea at roughly summer 2014.

When spring 2015 came, I resumed my careful wardrobe selections. That lasted for the rest of the year. I’m good at hiding, remember? As I scroll through my What I Wore Sunday photos, I’m still surprised that you can’t really see anything.

Yet the weird discolorations remained. They still didn’t hurt, but they’d spread to the area just above my knees. I knew enough about skin to realize that the spreading was not a good sign. But I didn’t have a good enough reason to want to go through the trouble of figuring out what was wrong.

Early in 2016 is when things started to change. I found myself scheduling the first in-person visit with my long-distance boyfriend, and I realized that I couldn’t just keep hiding. He deserved to know.

When we were finally together, I decided to stop hiding. Obviously, he was concerned. I was, too. A little bit more. Finally. I made an appointment with a family practice doctor, who sent me on to my dermatologist. I was still dragging my feet, so I didn’t make it there until Memorial Day. Better late than never?

My Diagnosis

The dermatologist first suspected granuloma annulare (GA). She took two punch biopsies to send to a pathologist, hoping that if one wasn’t clear, the other would be. I left with two band-aids and one stitch.

Unfortunately, she had to take the punch biopsies from the back of my calf, so the scars are very noticeable. She did help by pointing out that the backs of my calves have much darker and more widespread patches. I hadn’t noticed. Think about it: how often do you look at the back of your calves?

In retrospect, GA might have been worse than morphea, because “granuloma annulare” is kind of a fancy medical term for “we don’t know how this happened to your skin, and we don’t know how to fix it, but it might go away.” It’s like Bell’s palsy, but for skin conditions instead of muscles.

In reality, the results came back inconclusive for GA but possibly indicative of “early morphea.” The pathologist had not examined my skin, so he couldn’t have known that, clearly, I did not have “early” anything.

So I went back to my dermatologist for another, more extensive biopsy. This was when I finally got scared. There are 3 levels of skin biopsy: shave, punch, and excisional. The punches hadn’t been clear enough for a firm diagnosis, so we needed to dig a little deeper. Literally.

I tolerate physical pain and discomfort pretty well; most women do. So I was okay as the nurse numbed two new spots on my leg (the same leg as before). I was even okay with the actual pressure and pulling I felt during the procedure. She only needed one spot. But this time, my doctor was wearing scrubs. She’d laid out sterile blankets to isolate the surgical field. It was really cold in the exam room. It felt real, and I was scared, and I was alone.

This biopsy required more stitches, and it hurt a lot more after the anesthesia wore off. I hobbled my way through work, back to hiding my legs under long skirts. I felt defeated, and I hoped desperately that this one, this time would work.

A few weeks later, the pathologist’s diagnosis came back. It was morphea; no question. I had scars, and I still had all my patches, but at least my weird skin discoloration had a name.

Treatment, and a Brief Detour

My dermatologist prescribed a topical corticosteroid and a vitamin D cream, in addition to a follow-up appointment to check their progress. I used both faithfully, although I did accidentally leave them in the trunk of my car during a hot, hot afternoon in Houston.

A few weeks after I started treatment, I noticed some red bumps all over the front of my left leg. (Same leg.) I also wondered if my mostly-healed excision was supposed to be quite that pink, and if that bump on the edge was okay. You might think that I would be more cautious about weird things on my legs post-diagnosis. You would be wrong. After one very painful leg-shaving and a couple of days of calf selfies to verify that I wasn’t seeing things when I thought the bumps were multiplying, I went to my previously-scheduled appointment.

“How’s everything going?” asked my nurse as we walked back to the exam room.

“Well, the morphea patches are basically the same, but I’ve got some new problems I was hoping you could check out for me,” I replied.

This diagnosis was much easier, although I was getting a little tired of getting things cut off my legs every time I saw my dermatologist. I had a bacterial infection called folliculitis (on both legs at that point) and a staph infection in my incision scar. So I stopped using the morphea creams and switched to antibiotics and antibacterial lotion.

I have never had so many prescriptions in such a short time.

Just over a week later, I was back to patchy business as usual. I am not currently pursuing any treatment plan. This condition is so mysterious that the basic course of treatment is not specific enough. My morphea is not nearly as bad as some of the photos I’ve seen and descriptions I’ve read, so I’m satisfied with watching and waiting. And I should probably not get a tattoo.

Life with Morphea

Once I had my diagnosis, my confidence started to return. Except for a brief detour through folliculitis and staph, I haven’t let me morphea hold me back. I spent almost two months keeping my excision scar covered with a Band-Aid whenever it would otherwise be visible, because I was not about to let it get infected again. That goal is how I discovered that you can buy a whole box of standard-sized Band-Aids.

Now, I wear whatever I want. I think people notice my morphea patches, but most of them are too polite to say anything. Or they are strangers. In over two years since onset, only one person has actually asked, and I can tell she asked because she was concerned about me. “I don’t know what’s up with my legs” was a really unsatisfying answer. This isn’t great, but it’s much better.

I also belong to a closed Facebook Group for people who have morphea, and we suspect that it might be more common than the medical definitions suggest. Mild cases are easy to mistake for birthmarks or stray skin discolorations. But no one’s really researching it, so it’s tough to tell beyond anecdotes.

This is just my life. Morphea is a part of who I am now. It’s just one of the many things that make up my crazy, beautiful life.

Additional Resources

If you Google “morphea,” you’ll notice a distinct lack of results. It doesn’t even get the special medical information box. The first reference I turned to is from the Mayo Clinic, and that’s where I would point you first. The Mayo Clinic has a great, brief, detailed overview of what morphea is and how it’s diagnosed and treated.

The Wikipedia article on morphea is pretty informative, as its articles tend to be. Notice how it is also brief. That’s the rare part shining through.

The National Institutes of Health classifies morphea as a rare disease and also as a kind of scleroderma. (Morphea is sometimes called “morphea scleroderma.”) Most forms of scleroderma are much worse than mine and can damage internal organs, though, so I’ve been reluctant to take that label.

Some scleroderma-focused resources also have information about morphea, particularly the International Scleroderma Network and this archived Scleroderma Care Foundation page.

The Journal of the American Medical Association for Dermatology (JAMA Dermatology) offers some useful and not gross illustrations of several kinds of morphea.

Michelle Liane Gerovac is a professional photographer in Canada. She also has morphea. Hers is the kind called “en coup de sabre,” which is a French term describing skin discoloration or malformation that looks like one has been hit in the head with a sword, but it’s essentially the same thing I have.

Vitiligo is kind of the opposite of morphea. Morphea tends to darken skin pigmentation in its mildest form (like mine); vitiligo removes skin pigmentation, lightening it. Michael Jackson is said to have had vitiligo. The Catholic women’s online magazine Aleteia For Her shares a story and photos of a model who has vitiligo. I can relate to her attempts to mask the reality of an incurable skin condition.

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