Tag Archives: Life

Hooray for CDA

You know, I never do old-fashioned “what’s going on in my life” posts anymore. Let’s fix that.

It’s almost the end of the semester, so I am dying accordingly. Reading for class still puts me to sleep. I go to class almost every day now having done only part of the reading assignment. As I continue in upper-level classes, the reading volume only increases. Last semester, I got so far behind that I honestly just gave up. This semester is turning out to be very similar. My days are scheduled so tightly that I have very specific chunks of time for studying. Unfortunately, those are often the very ends of my day, so I’m either not awake enough or far too tired to concentrate. I can’t figure out what else to do, though. I don’t know any other way to do school.

We had CDA elections two weeks ago. The nominating committee only picked one person for each office. Attendance dropped so dramatically this year that I’m kind of impressed they came up with that many people. Cathy had mentioned that she would consider a nomination for Vice Regent again if she knew the Regent wouldn’t resign like last year, but I guess they didn’t ask her. So, Kaitlyn will be Vice Regent, Maura will be Recording Secretary, Kait L. will be Financial Secretary, Maureen will be Treasurer…and I’ll be Regent. xD After we finally managed to have a business meeting in October, I realized that I wanted to run for Regent. Cathy isn’t graduating, so I promised myself that I wouldn’t step on her toes if she ran for reelection, but she didn’t. This spring, she herself suggested I consider taking the regency. I told Myca, swearing her to secrecy, and she was all for it. When Fr. Bill told me he hoped I’d become Regent, that pretty much sealed the deal.

On Monday evening, we had what Cathy swears is her last CDA event as Regent. (We still need to do a financial review, though.) Having inducted a whopping three new Daughters on Divine Mercy Sunday, we wanted to try to bring together as many current and new Daughters as possible for an orientation. Unfortunately, we didn’t get to plan enough, so I went to the CSC on Monday evening for Mass as usual with only a very fuzzy idea of what we’d be doing.

Cathy spent Mass in the kitchen preparing dinner. She did a really good job considering that she was working by herself (though Jess N. made the cake). We ate first, then had dessert while Gina led our attempt to go over parliamentary procedure. When you do it right, parliamentary procedure is a really good way to get decisions made with discussion, especially with large groups. We’ve never quite managed to do it right, though. I did manage to get people used to standing when they spoke during business meetings, though. That helps a lot with order, because no one wants to raise her hand and stand up just long enough to say, “That’s a great idea!”

After dessert, we did a (late) icebreaker game of “Do You Love Your Neighbor?” One person stands in the middle while the rest sit in a circle of chairs. She picks a girl and asks, “Do you love your neighbor?” She answers, “Yes, and I especially love people who…” and fills in something about herself. (You can also play it, “No, but I love people who…,” but there is negativity allowed in CDA. Ha.) Then, all the girls who share that characteristic have to change seats. You have to move at least two seats away, and the last person standing starts the next round by introducing herself. Of course Cathy started with me. I picked people who have siblings. Gina needed clarification (“biological or “People who converted” wasn’t thrilling, because there were only two (including my future new roommate, Sarah). Myca picked “I love Catholics,” so that was a complete melee of elbows and squeals. Jess M. couldn’t talk because something was wrong with her throat, so I interpreted her notes.

After the train wreck ended, we played Kait L.’s Circle of Love game. She is a very creative girl. Cathy talked about St. Maria Goretti in the absence of both our Spiritual and Chastity Chairs. We ended by making cards for hospitalized children, and then we all went home. Attendance was pretty good considering our track record; we had about 12 girls (including one who isn’t actually a Daughter). And I got a super-neat saints + JPII bracelet blessed by the Holy Father!

Wednesday night dinner was even more fun than usual because I missed last week, and because we got to eat outside with minimal bug nuisances. It was also the Feast of St. Mark, and I had a wonderfully enlightening Holy Hour.

Earlier this afternoon, I had a phone interview for a summer job. I applied to Johns Hopkins’s Center for Talented Youth Summer Program back in February. I wanted to be a TA, knowing that my chances weren’t great because they’d already been reviewing applications for over a month. I interviewed today for an RA job. I don’t think it went that well. I don’t have much experience as an RA. That aspect of my job with Portz last summer was my weakness. My interviewer asked me what topics I might consider inappropriate for discussing with adolescents as opposed to my peers, and I totally blanked. It’s been a while since I’ve really talked to kids, I guess.

Mary (and Fr. Bill) sent me links to the newest OotP trailer. I’d already seen them, but I appreciated the gesture. It was only a few days ago that I realized that taking this job I interviewed for (if they even offer it to me) means missing out on EVERYTHING Harry Potter this summer. I can’t guarantee I’ll even be able to get DH, let alone read it. How sad is it that Harry Potter is seriously affecting my work this summer, and it’s not even summer yet?

I’ll be leaving for the CSC in a few minutes. The Missionaries of the Eucharist are leading a discussion tonight on the Pope’s Apostolic Exhortation, Sacramentum Caritatis. I actually managed to read the right sections of it, so this should go much more smoothly than my classes lately, where I tend to go without having read and then doze off for an hour and a half.

Catching a Man

Last spring, I had my first crush since breaking up with Greg over a year before. I can’t say who it was because I never know who’s going to pass by my little corner of the web world. Suffice it to say that my world was thrown completely off-kilter. I hadn’t had feelings like that in a long time, since before Greg. Having become a devout Catholic since that breakup, though, I had a different perspective on things. I knew God was in charge and I had to trust in Him. I just wished that His plans would look a little more like mine. I did what I could to subtly let this guy know that I was interested. Hana noticed that I wore my hair down for church one morning when I knew I’d see him. “I am not using my hair to catch a man!” I insisted. I kind of was, but only because I was determined to get him to ask me out, and not the other way around. Men react strongest to visual stimulation, so I wanted to make sure the best parts of me—in a completely chaste way—were visible to him. It didn’t work out, and after some nasty moments of anger at and mistrust in God (and his starting to date someone else!), I moved on.

Now, though, I’m in a similar position. Maybe I’m just a victim of spring fever; though, considering yesterday’s sleet and chill, I have no idea what season it is. This guy is equally unavailable, however, because he already has a girlfriend. I wish I had gotten there first. I am now stuck with the task of realigning my heart to respect that relationship. It’s a tricky situation. If he or I were married or engaged, there would be no question: he’d be automatically off-limits. Father Bill suggested I act as though we were; neither married people nor consecrated celibates stop feeling romantic attraction, so it’s good training for my future. On the other hand, dating is not the same as married or celibate. Dating relationships end. If his did end with her, I’d still be interested. How willing am I to harden my heart against him romantically if that is a possibility? Not very.

All of these thoughts remind me of my inconclusive period of discernment. I have gotten closer to God since I decided to make that effort, but I’m no closer to hearing the call. I caught up on my Boundless articles recently, including two particularly good ones on marriage and dating. Carolyn McCulley writes about developing “Humility That Attracts and Encourages” men in the process of marital discernment. Dating is hard, so she has good advice on how to make it easier for Christian men to take the lead. Scott Croft tells his friend, “Brother, You’re Like a Six,” so we should all redefine our expectations for spouses in light of the Bible and our everyday lives. If I do eventually figure out that I’m called to marriage, I have to prepare myself to be a good wife and mother. Boundless has some suggestions on that as well, in Candice Watters’ old blog, Why Family.

Love is complicated. So is God, but He is infinite. Therefore, godly love is infinitely complicated. (Quite the depressing syllogism there.)

Celibacy, Faith, and Life

I’ve started using Google Reader to get a handle on all the blogs I used to read. I also decided to add a news feed from Zenit, an agency that keeps track of all kinds of Vatican news, especially B16’s homilies and other speeches. One that caught my eye was his traditional Christmas address to the Roman Curia (bishops, cardinals—all the people that dress in fun colors). Zenit headlined it his “evaluation of 2006.” Two parts resonated the most with me.

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Year in Review: 2006

I would go through and review month by month, but I plan to summarize the semester already, and that would take time I’d rather spend in other ways, so a meme it is.

Did anyone close to you give birth?

Did anyone close to you die?

What was your favorite book in 2006?
Mere Christianity, by C.S. Lewis. All Christians should read that book. Anyone interested in Christianity should read that book. Measure for Measure, by Shakespeare of course, was also great.

What was your favorite movie in 2006?
Cars. Disney/Pixar will always hold a special place in my heart.

What was your favorite song in 2006?
Ooh. I have too many favorite songs to limit myself! I’ll say “So Long Self,” by MercyMe (which I just got on CD) and “Faust, Midas, and Myself,” from Switchfoot’s new CD Oh! Gravity., which I love dearly after less than two weeks.

What date from 2006 will remain etched upon your memory?
Let’s not talk about my memory. Saturday during Fall Retreat was pretty awesome. What day was that? (checks assignment book) November 11.
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Single and Almost Holy

I’m catching up now on Rocco Palmo’s Almost Holy column on BustedHalo. I’m still not interested in his regular blog; I can barely keep up with the information I have coming in now. Some of his columns, though, are so intriguing.

For example, instead of whining about not having a girlfriend, he mused on the great examples of faith, love, and sacrifice he sees in his own life. I can understand that. Having been single for two years now, I do sometimes wonder. I should be discerning a call to something, right? Whatever my relationship vocation is, I should be figuring that out now, and if it’s marriage, this is the perfect time to start. Then again, having this time to myself has been a blessing. I’m amazed all my friends put up with me during my histrionics and constant stress last semester. I don’t think a guy who was more than a friend would have made it. I’m young; I’ve got time.

Uncomfortable Deja Vu

Today, I was up and dressed with 15 minutes to do anything I wanted. I chose to pray Lauds (Morning Prayer). Then I still got out the door two minutes late.

EDCI 416 (How to Be an English Teacher) went by quickly. We talked about language (read: grammar) and took a usage (read: grammar) test. We have to get at least 80% on it to pass the course. I hit some snags, but I was pretty much at home.

I went to daily Mass, then came home for lunch. ENGL 391 (Professional Writing, a.k.a. Junior English) is canceled this week for individual conferences. I scheduled mine for 1:30pm, just before I had to be at Anne Arundel for a Visit Maryland Day student panel. I took my time eating, which was good because Father What’s-His-Name gave a long homily, so daily Mass was over 20 minutes. I wouldn’t have been able to each much if I’d had to go to class. Despite the comfortable buffer, I only remembered my appointment at 1:25. I took off in a hurry, got halfway to Susquehanna, realized I’d forgotten the paper I needed to turn in, ran back for it, ran back to SQH, caught my breath in the stairwell, and finally made it to the office about three minutes late. The conference itself went fine; he approved my proposal on a system for stopping book banning.

After I got back from the Honors student panel, I checked the schedule, made some calls, and left to catch the shuttle to Beltway Plaza mall. Halfway there, I realized I’d forgotten the makeup I needed to return, ran back for it, dashed back up South and North Hills, and caught the bus about a minute later. (Thanks, St. Christopher, for helping me out with that uncomfortable déjà vu) I wasted very little time getting in and out of the beauty supply store (I use a specific type of hair grease), in and out of Target, and back to the bus stop. I was only there about five minutes before the bus returned. I got off at Regents Drive and walked halfway across campus to get home.

On the way, I saw two gray squirrels chasing each other around a tree trunk. I paused, transfixed and amused, as they paused, since one had lost sight of the other. Then the one moved farther up the tree, the other saw him, and they went back to it. Then I saw two black squirrels doing the same thing, sans tree.

Yesterday, I hit myself in the face with my bedroom door. Clearly, I am losing my mind.

I will update soon with more details about what’s been going on in my life since the end of August.

Time, Stand Still

I think this is the longest I’ve ever gone without blogging. (My 9/11 post was planned far in advance… back when I had much more time.) This semester is not going well. School is choking me to death. I have an awesome support system in my friends, though. And I am managing to make it from day to day, albeit rough around the edges. If you are so inclined, pray for me.

I wrote this in between classes; it is backdated and edited for content and clarity. After I finished, I felt bad for not having used the downtime to study.

I am going to have to make up for this by studying like a madwoman later, but I need this. This semester has been so unreal… and it’s barely underway.

I was doing some thinking during [EDCI] 416 this morning. Peggy [one of my teachers] and I are clearly on the same wavelength. We think alike about grammar, “language arts,” and some other teacher-talk terms. I am not sure whether this is good or bad. On the surface, Peggy represents my conservative, academic, white side. Who am I? I’m this walking anomaly, the black chick with the hair (my bangs so confuse people) who loves grammar and Harry Potter and Switchfoot and Jesus.

This semester, these past four or five weeks, have been so different in comparison to the rest of my life that I can sense my transformation. I am becoming a different person. [I did something wrong, realized my sin, and confessed it.] I manage to function on almost no sleep. My sense of family is so skewed. I’m back to spending my days holed up in my room alone, except when I blow off work to be social. Not only am I ignoring my work, but I’m ignoring my descent into slackerdom. Jim has taken on the role of my personal prayer warrior. I’m becoming one of those chatty people in class, the one who’s always raising her hand to volunteer an answer. I thought I was just in a voluntary mood, so I’d speak up now to buffer for quiet days later, but it seems to have stuck.

I wish I had more time. Time might let me find some answers.

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